Growing Your Self-Belief

Growing Your Self-Belief

Tips for Increasing Self-Belief and Self-Confidence

 

Self-belief and self-confidence are interesting concepts for me. For years, I considered that I was lacking in self-confidence because I was quiet compared to many of the big personalities in the PR industry. I had confused loudness and confidence. Of course, increasing self-belief is something that often does happen as a result of age and experience. You experience crises, pass hurdles and encounter moments of growth and realise, “Hey, I know I can do this because I’ve done XYZ before.” However, it doesn’t hurt to consciously work on increasing self-belief at the same time, especially as you never know when it’s going to be hit by an oncoming missile!

Increasing my own Self-belief

 

I’ve managed to raise my own selfbelief quite significantly in the last few years by taking on new challenges. I went back to University to do an MSc in Business Psychology and ran a business retreat In Italy, for instance. Next on my list is to run a Visibility Conference in London in 2018. Just by doing those things I can see that I have grown my own self-belief. Previously, I needed to talk over the decision to go back to Uni with friends and family before I felt I could commit. I also asked another friend who works in academia to look over my first module assignment before handing it in. Now, I tend to listen to myself when I make these decisions – and tell people what I’ve decided, instead of asking their opinion. I also handed in my dissertation to my supervisor without asking anyone to look it over and it felt good to stand by my work.

 

In short, I’ve learned to trust myself and that has huge implications for increasing selfbelief. It has also inspired me to get curious about how others have grown their own self-belief, which is why I sent out an email to trusted friends and colleagues to see what advice they might have for someone interested in working on their own self-belief. This is what they said.

Melanie Charles, Coach

 

Melanie Charles Live in the flowFor me increasing self-belief is a journey. It is about unlearning all of the things I was told as a child that made me not believe that I was capable or that anything is possible. For me, the journey has been long, but each day I learn something new. The understanding of how my subconscious works really helped me see how important it was for me to stop feeding that old picture of myself. Once I understood that and by reframing how I saw myself and changing the conversation I was having with myself, I could reprogram my subconscious to have new core beliefs. healthier ones.
Some tools I use…

 

  • Evidence to the contrary: This is a book that contains: the fun things I love. The people I can go to when needed (we sometimes need reminding) and evidence to the contrary. Evidence to the contrary is things I have done well and what I am proud of. This is a combination of personal and work achievements and how these made me feel. There are days, no matter what anyone tells me, I don’t feel like I have done a great job, or said stupid things and external reminders do nothing to dent that beating up of myself, but over the years I have collected positive stories. This helps me break out of that place and reinforce the positive not the negative story.
  • Gratitude: I do this most days. This helps me change the way I am seeing the world. By being grateful, I change the negative bias of my brain to a positive bias. This also allows me to see solutions where I might not have seen them before. This is sometimes more powerful than meditation, or a deep breath.
  • inner child: my inner child is beautiful. She reminds of how to live with child-like joy, but she is also filled with past hurts from a moment in time and can be very fearful. By understanding that she isn’t in charge, but that bullying her isn’t the way to get her to step out of fear. I use visualisations.
  • What is my body saying: The realisation that my body was giving me messages and signals was eye opening. Once I learnt this and realised I had separated from my body, so I could cope emotionally and that I didn’t need to. I could use my body to tell me what I needed to know, to help me tune into how I was feeling, where there might be blocks from my past.
  • Breathing. In the moment, when I need to breath. It might be a moment that I feel triggered. I tune into my body and feel where the emotion is. And just honour it. Then I feel ready to choose not to react.
  • Tear, Music and sound: these are the three that can help lift my mood and move through any blocks.
  • Allow and permission: Giving myself permission to feel crappy, but then reframe that. I use I allow myself to feel sad or crap means I am not pushing that emotion away. I am honouring how I feel. This then does something magical. By stepping into that place and fully immersing in it. I move through it.

http://www.liveintheflow.me/

 

Gail Morgan, Founder of Personal Stylist Training School

When you receive a compliment about how you look or work that you’ve done, accept it graciously and say thank you, smile and feel your self confidence grow. We often dismiss these compliments but they have the power to immediately change how we feel about yourself.

https://www.studyinstyletraining.com/
 

Liz Copeland, Coach

Liz Copeland

The times when you most need self-belief and confidence are the times when you least feel like it. So you have to stockpile confidence and here are some ideas on how to do that:

1. Keep a boast book – your successes, achievements, testimonials and compliments you have received. Look at it regularly to reinforce your confidence.

2. Find people who boost your confidence but are still honest and supportive

3. Confidence can be faked. A lot of people who appear super confident ae just as nervous as you but they’re just better at projecting confidence.

Self-belief is something you can grow and however much you have, everyone can always benefit from increasing self-belief.

http://www.lifewithfizz.com

Rachel Morgan-Trimmer, Founder of The Career Break Site

 

Last year I had a coach, and one of the tasks she assigned me was to make a personal CV. With a professional CV, we’re forced to talk about our accomplishments and present ourselves in the best possible light, so this CV was to do the same for my personal life. It was a fun task and made me look over my experience in all areas of life and the skills I have developed. I also included “notable achievements”. I think a lot of us are a bit “whatevs” about our achievements (I talk about travelling the world solo like it was no big deal, as it wasn’t to me!). But when we look at them objectively, or tell others about what we’ve done, it shows us that we’ve done things that not everyone has done, and not everyone could do!
www.thecareerbreaksite.com

Susan Heaton-Wright, Voice Coach

 

Susan Heaton Wright

It is really easy to focus on the negatives “What did I do wrong?” “I didn’t get that piece of work” etc. And of course focusing on these negatives hurts your self confidence and self beliefs. For a long time I have always ‘celebrated’ at least three things that have gone well and then consider one area where I could improve on. The emphasis being on the positives. Also, for the last two years I have had a celebration jam jar – go with this – and every time I have a lovely experience, whether that is my son making me a cup of tea or a wonderful success or occasion, I make a note on a piece of paper and put it into the jam jar. At the end of the year I open the jam jar and remember all of those wonderful moments and memories.

 

But I wanted to emphasise something else: my experience of training other people and myself is that confidence grows for three reasons – you have the skills in order to do the work or activity, you have gained experience AND mindset. Mindset alone won’t make you feel TRULY confident. So if you recognise you are lacking in confidence in something, be reflective and think “Do I need to learn another skill to crack this? Do I need to gain some more experience? AND/OR do I need to be more positive about what I’m doing and celebrate all the skills and experience I have in this area’.

 

Heather Waring, Coach

 

Get into the habit of capturing feedback from clients and colleagues and keeping it somewhere easily accessible in whatever format suits you and then when you are doubting yourself read it and believe. You can also do this more generally capturing feedback from a wider more general audience which can include friends, contacts in extra curricular activities etc.

Another thing is to – Challenge yourself to something that stretches you and gets you stepping outside your comfort zone. Getting involved in this type of thing and seeing it through is a great experience as well as a great boost to both selfbelief and self confidence. e.g it could be agreeing to give a speech, run a marathon, decorate a room etc.

www.womenwalkingwomentalking.com

 

Jacqui Lofthouse, Writing Coach

 

For me, the most essential tool in my selfbelief kit is self-development and education. It’s so much easier to believe in yourself if you feel accomplished and knowledgeable, which is why I am always enrolling on new courses and making sure that I am growing and learning. I’ve recently enrolled in part-time drama school at Identity School of Acting. But in recent years I’ve attended classes in documentary photography and playwriting and have invested financially in online courses about financial management and business.

 

I think when you are fascinated by the world, you often forget to be overly self-aware – you communicate with others because you are interested in what they have to say, you want to join in the dialogue. Everything you read, every connection you make with others is another building block in relation to self-confidence. The more you learn, the more you interact, the more you look outwards, the quicker it comes.

 

On a separate note, I’d also say that drama is a brilliant self-development tool in relation to confidence. Only recently we were working on the Chekhovian principle of the Four Brothers, whereby you learn to cultivate a sense of ease, beauty, wholeness and form – one exercise involved meditating on what a sense of beauty means to us – then walking around as if in our own bubble of ‘beauty’. The exercise went beyond playacting and rather deeper into what it ‘feels’ like to be beautiful – which has nothing to do with external beauty. Confidence is only a construct in the end.”

 

Hanieh Vidmar, speaking coach

 

Hanieh Vidmar on self-belief

My self belief comes from doing what I love. Ever since I was a child I learned that you’re good at what you enjoy doing and this helps you excel in that field. For me, it’s about making videos, presenting, creating content and sharing those based on stuff I love to talk about. Start with finding out what you love and create whatever you want (a career, write a book, deliver a talk etc) – however you want – around that! You can be as creative as you want and you can find inspiration from everywhere to help you create! Self confidence comes from finding your passion and honing in on it.

 

Jo Dodds, Productivity coach

In recent years I’ve come to understand that growing self belief is about listening to and actually believing the good stuff that people say about you!

How many times have we listened to and believed criticism and yet discounted praise? A few weeks ago I randomly met someone at a conference who not only had heard of me, he actually thanked me for inspiring him to start his own business seven years ago! He finished by calling me ‘an icon’. Of course I laughed and discounted that as worthy feedback. But, on reflection, I decided to take it!

For someone to say those lovely things after so long, I figured I must have had somewhat of an impact, and then I chose (an important action to consider) to imagine that maybe he wasn’t the only person who would say that. That was a small lesson learned and I have since decided to choose to listen out for and believe more of that good feedback.

http://powertolivemore.com/

 

Hulya Erdal, Private Chef

Believe in your truth and move forward from that truth. We cannot control what happens around us but we can believe in ourselves and our actions. I’ve found that through exercise, meditation, prayer and giving myself credit for who I am and my skills and abilities, I have grown to embrace and develop my selfbelief. I live my expanded self.  I give gratitude everyday for what I have and embrace the world and it’s infinite possibilities.

http://www.madebythechef.com
 

Kitty Cavalier, coach

 

Did you know that the electromagnetic field of the heart is 60 times greater than that of the mind? Bet ya didn’t know you had a big ‘ol magnet sitting right there in your chest! ❤️ 💕Manipulation is a game driven by the mind, one that you can never TRULY win. But magnetism; that mysterious, numinous force that comes straight from the heart, will get you the blue ribbon every time, because with magnetism wining is never the point. The point is simply enjoying the game.  In the words of Albert Camus: “I don’t seduce, I surrender.” 💥 Let’s roll those shoulders back and charge that magnet up folks, one fierce beat at a time.

 

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